Emma's Snortling Blog 4/10

E and I decided to take long distance creepiness to the next level by allowing me the privilege of watching her sleep via webcam.



1:45AM Emma mumbles as she falls into a deep slumber. I know very few people who can pass out knowing they are being watched but I know better than to underestimate the power of sleep-o. That's right. If I'm a creepo you are sleep-o.

2:02AM Snoring commences. Sounds more like a combination of snoring and chortling, or snortling. Must mute.

2:10AM Picking at her face. Can't tell if she's digging for gold in her nose or popping blackheads. Either way I am aroused.

2:30AM Emma turns over on her side. The crowd goes wild.

2:45AM No movement. I'm worried she might be dead.

2:55AM Still nothing. Getting bored.

3:00AM No longer watching. On facebook instead. Facebook mildly entertaining, majorly gay as usual.

3:17AM: Return to discover Emma has disappeared! I divert my attention to surfing the web for 15 measly minutes then return to see that she has disappeared into thin air! Is this what it would be like if I was watching our offspring? Would they just wander off in the mall while I checked fantasy football updates on my brand spankin new 4G I-Phone? Really questioning my paternal instincts now.

3:18AM Still no sign of crazycakes! I hope she's alive. OK...she's coming back... looks very weary maybe went to empty her tank in the toilet? Whoa, she just looked deliriously into the camera. Her facial expression could scare off the demon from "paranormal activity."

3:20AM: I notice her baby blue blanket is covered with carrots. Is this to encourage a healthier diet? Kinda weird.

3:32AM: Rolls over on her side facing the camera. Crowd is no longer enthused. No one likes a one trick pony.

3:35AM: Secretly beginning to hope she starts masturbating.

3:40AM: Confused how she can sleep face down on the pillow. She must be breathing through her butt cheeks.

3:55AM: She looks very peaceful. Wish I was in the Flushing estate sleeping with her :)

4:10AM: Connection is interrupted. No more creepiness.

4:20AM: Feeling huge void without sleeping E in the corner of screen anymore. Fill void by taking a ride on the Pineapple Express (yes, it's 4:20!)