Fear not, the frequency of posts has simply been following an upside down bell curve! Since we bottomed out at one measly single post in April, stay tuned for more TMI barf-in-your mouth updates of our adventures together.
Updates: The hornycakes reunion is set for June 3rd:)
33 days until we spend a sweaty summer in Queens.
Day One Recap: Biking, Tacos, and Furry Handcuffs (images available at a small fee for the latter, please Paypal $2.99 to hornycakes@gmail.com).
Day Two: First on the itinerary was the "Six Taste Walking Food Tour." Personally, I would've preferred the "sex taste food tour" but it was E's surprise gift to me so I rolled out of bed and off to Little Tokyo we went.
Feeding the food monster tuna don in Little Tokyo
You can see E's stunning reflection on my greasy forehead!
Our extremely dorky tour guide + a group of +++ sized women sampled milky oolong tea, mango mochi, and sweet potato fries for the next four hours. E and I straggled behind the group to engage in intermittent make-out sessions where she kept telling me she wanted to "bone" me. This was confounding to me, isn't it supposed to be the other way around?
I am beer monster, hear me roar!
E signed up for the sushi eating contest:
If you look carefully, you can see that E is the first woman to win the contest, labeled the "angry korean."
We migrated to the LA street food fest next; a gathering of smoldering trans-fat meals on wheels.
Crossing my fingers sugar mama E will support me as a papparazo in LA while I go lazybones on the couch
The line snaked around the block and E quickly lost hope we would make it in time to feed her starving food babies.
ALL WAS LOST FOR DRAMACAKES
After the British douche announced they were at capacity and turned most of the tardy gluttons away unfed, yours truly took advantage of his emaciated corpse and slipped in the foodfest unnoticed. Always looking out for Mama Bear, I snuck her in and we were in for a feast of marinated beef tacos, Viet club sandwiches, and E's drink of choice...
MMMMM... RAT POISON!
PHO ON WHEELS
2 dolla make you holla
E and I getting greasy at the foodfest
We made a pit stop to take cheesy photos at 5 dollars a pop:
Dainty and Crazycakes first barf in your mouth photo!
Float like a butterfly, eat like a pachyderm!
I ain't gonna lie, I wasn't sure how much more gluttony my stomach was willing to tolerate before I went ex-lax in my pants so I brought us back to loveshack to rest up for the evening.
Back in the apartment, E dove straight into a box of Trader Joe's licorice and I couldn't help but admire her iron stomach. If we ever end up on couples Fear Factor, we're a lock to win the larvae eating competitions.
I put on '500 Days of Summer' and put E's ADD/narcolepsy to test. She did surprisingly well although we probably had to take a half-dozen high school makeout sessions during the film to keep her occupied.
I couldn't help but feel solidarity with the protagonist of the film. The poor dude (Tom) was hopelessly obsessed with the new girl at work (Summer). Summer leads him on with a little sugar in the beginning then eventually kicks him to the curb like a red-headed stepchild, citing her own 'freedom issues.' Tom laments by removing himself from society and refusing to shower for the rest of his days.
OK, OK, maybe that's not exactly how the story unfolds but I was distracted during the film by horny/sleepy girl.
We embarked on our nightcap barhopping in Santa Monica with some of my college buddies. E started getting crazycakes and ordered us a round of jagerbombs and the super Korean started turning super red.
The red-faced couple
We started the evening at World Cafe on Main Street and ended up at an Irish Pub where E tried to play wingwoman for the boys, successfully infiltrating a group of sorority bimbos. No one closed the deal with the hussies, but my buddies were impressed and validated her as a keeper for going to bat for them and buying rounds of shots!
Outside generic Irish Pub
As crazycakes loves to do when she is consuming frosty beverages, she felt compelled to tell me she was crushing on the construction worker dude with the big schnauze. She drunkenly figured that he couldn't be Jewish because there were no Jewish construction workers on the planet.
After some very public makeout sessions in the bar and in the parking lot, I strapped E into the passenger seat of the good ole Pontiac and headed home. She went sleep-o on me the instant we hit the freeway and I braced myself for the possibility of carrying her up my winding apartment stairs. Once we arrived, E collapsed on the bed and began snoring like a congested panda (YES, I USED IT AGAIN!)
Looking for some sugar, I tried to wake sleeping beauty but she mumbled something about spicy tacos and faded out of consciousness.
